The town’s elders have concluded that the twinning arrangement with the Palestinian Authority of Gaza has failed to deliver the cultural and commercial benefits everyone had hoped for. Members of the Appleton Marsh Choral Society had to be virtually sedated to get them onto the plane and we haven’t seen a noticeable increase in tourism as a result of the affiliation.

It wasn’t an easy decision, to kick Gaza into touch, but it was the right one and we now look forward to forging new bonds with a more useful ‘twin’. Mayor of Appleton Marsh, Pepé Rodriguez, is keen for us to punch above our weight and has drawn up a shortlist which, I’m thrilled to reveal, includes the fashion capitals of Paris, New York and Milan.

The only shame is that the town’s welcome sign, seen here, is relatively new and will need re-doing. It has proved popular with cyclists who like to use the verge to take a rest and to pose for photographs.

Advertisement